If It’s Normalcy You Seek, Then a Jackass in Fenway Is What You Need

Illustration for article titled If It’s Normalcy You Seek, Then a Jackass in Fenway Is What You Need

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If you had to wager which stadium would see a fan quite possibly risk his life, merely for the opportunity to yell at everyone around and act like a yahoo to an audience of no one, Fenway Park most definitely would have been the chalk.


Collect your meager winnings.


It’s important to remember that this guy apparently climbed up the backside of the Green Monster so he could watch … the 2020 Red Sox. That’s something of a 50-foot climb to receive a prize akin to getting free tickets to see Beckett performed by fourth graders. Then again, take one look at this guy and you can easily see where logic would find no purchase between his ears. We should also never underestimate the hunger the biggest fucksticks in The Hub have to yell at the Yankees. You will never want anything as badly, non-Bostonian.

I suppose that this is the only person in the world now who can claim to know the feeling of having an entire Major League ballpark to himself, and perhaps it’s a joy that would define anyone’s entire life. Also, this would be the only time you could scream and rant about generally nothing (“We Love New York! Remember 9/11! Wooo!”) from the Monster seats and have your voice carry throughout the park. It’s a shame he didn’t actually have anything worth sharing. What an opportunity wasted.

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