Sports

Tim Tebow is REALLY competitive, y’all… So what?


F, these guys.

F, these guys.
Image: Getty Images

Urban Meyer says Tim Tebow is “the most competitive maniac you’re ever going to talk to.”

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First of all, Urban Meyer clearly hasn’t met my children, who are 8 and 6, and whose total of successfully completed lifetime board games without somebody needing to go to another room to cool down afterward can be counted on one hand. The Candy Land board in my house got torn in half in a fit of maniacal competitive rage.

Candy Land.

Candy. Land.

More importantly, no duh Tebow is competitive. The guy didn’t spend three whole years playing minor league baseball, during which he hit .223, for shits and giggles. He did it because he ran out of NFL opportunities as a result of being a lousy pro quarterback, and he needed to do something else to satisfy his unending desire for competition.

Then Meyer came along and was like, sure, this guy is 33, hasn’t played an NFL game in nine years, and has a total of zero NFL and zero college receptions… let’s give this 6-foot-3, 245-pound guy a chance to be a tight end, a position where the median size in 2020 was 6-5, 250, and all of those players had continuous experience as — get this — tight ends.

Tebow was at the NFL draft combine in 2010 and ran a 4.71 in the 40-yard dash, which would have ranked 11th at this year’s combine, 0.27 seconds behind No. 4 pick Kyle Pitts of Tebow’s alma mater, Florida.

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Back in the day, Tebow did have a 38.5-inch vertical leap, which would’ve beaten every tight end at this year’s combine. But then, a huge vertical isn’t necessarily that big of a deal for a tight end. The three men who tied for this year’s lead at 37.5 inches were fifth-round picks Zach Davidson and Ben Mason, and undrafted Briley Moore.

In addition to being a tight end, Davidson was Central Missouri’s punter. Maybe Tebow can take that up, because the Jaguars are set with Trevor Lawrence at the position where Tebow actually has experience.

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That’s some horseshit

Medina Spirit passed its latest drug tests, so the tainted Kentucky Derby winner will be allowed to run in the Preakness.

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Makes perfect sense. It’s just like when Ben Johnson ran 9.79 seconds in the 100 meters at the 1988 Olympics, tested positive for steroids, then came back six days later and led Canada to gold in the 4×100 relay.

What’s that? Johnson was disqualified from the Seoul Games immediately and the Canadian team of Desai Williams, Atlee Mahorn, Cyprian Enweani, and Brian Morrison wound up finishing seventh in the relay, 0.74 seconds behind the winning team from the Soviet Union?

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Weird.

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