Sports

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. made every baseball sorry it was ever born


Vlad Guerrero Jr.

Vlad Guerrero Jr.

Photo: Getty Images

We’re going to be hearing from Blue Jays fans all season, and it’ll be kicked into overdrive here in the next month after the Leafs barf all over themselves in the first round again. All of that energy will definitely be channeled into the Rogers Centre immediately. You won’t be able to duck it.

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But it’ll be hard to be mad at them, because this Jays team is incredibly fun and might score like 1200 runs this season. Also they’ll get to beat up on teams with unvaccinated dumbasses thanks to Canada’s somewhat adult policies on COVID.

They also have Vlad Guerrero Jr., who can turn baseballs into their own meteor shower with one swing, like he did earlier this afternoon against the Rangers:

That’s 118 MPH off the bat, and sent 467 feet in a fashion resembling the Arc of The Covenant being opened. Woe to anyone who had to get in the way of this screaming holy spirit in the second deck. The Rangers outfield got to take maybe a step and a half before this mimi was over their heads and rendered their jobs useless. Lots of outfielders are going to find themselves superfluous when Guerrero is batting this year.

Shame about that pitching though, as the Jays have coughed up a six-run lead thanks to Hyun Jin Ryu’s wonder emporium today. Dovetails nicely with the seven-run gap the Jays made up on Friday on the Rangers.

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Those are problems for another day. Right now, just enjoy Vladito changing the chemical makeup of a baseball through force and velocity. It’s probably going to happen a lot. And high-speed projectiles being launched at likely Maple Leafs fans in the bleachers is never a bad thing.

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