I Do Not Like What The New Volkswagen Arteon Makes My Mouth Do

Volkswagen’s new CC-replacement, the Arteon, is very nice. I just hate what it makes my mouth do.

Specifically, I dislike saying its name. Volks-wag-en Ar-te-on. How does a word with six letters have the same amount of syllables as a word with with 10 letters? And why are both technically the in the same name? That’s so many syllables.

Volks-wag-en Ar-te-on. See how the “Volkswagen” makes you do that weird throat thing with the “ks” sound and then “Arteon” makes you go from the fish-face pronouncing the “Ar” to wide-mouthed pronouncing “tee” in just one syllable shift. That’s so annoying!


And the only definition for Arteon I could look up in about one minute of searching was some random baby name generator that was all about some “nurturing”-meaning bullshit.

Just imagine telling people, “Oh! I drive a Volkswagen Arteon!” and then having to share the discomfort of them having no clue what that is as they try to decide if it sounds like a nice car or not. Which is too bad, because it is very nice. It also makes my mouth drool a bit, and I don’t like that either.

Anyway, the Arteon is hitting showrooms in Germany this summer starting at around $40,000, and it should make its way over to the U.S. soon enough.

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