I’m sure you’re shocked to find out Mel Kiper isn’t vaccinated

Mel Kiper Jr. won’t be in the studio with the crew on Draft Day.

Mel Kiper Jr. won’t be in the studio with the crew on Draft Day.
Image: Getty Images

If I had to put a face to the unvaccinated, it would probably look like Mel Kiper Jr.’s. I can’t really tell you why, because it’s not like he’s been even the most outspoken at ESPN about being a dingus. But there’s something about his mush…the fact that it looks like he’s never smiled, and if he has he’s been sore down to the waist for three days afterward. And yet there’s a smugness over all of it, I’ve never been able to figure out what it’s so smug about, but it comes along with that face, of which only 17 percent of it can move. Joyless and yet smug, I think that describes a lot of the assholes we’ve had to put up with and work around. And accommodate. Which is perhaps the most frustrating thing, and Kiper is yet another. He announced via Twitter yesterday that he’s not vaccinated, so he and his alien hair will be providing their portion of draft coverage from his home studio.


The statement itself is the same self-interested drivel you’ve seen hundreds of times by this point. No, Mel, you don’t understand the value of vaccines, or respect anyone’s medical choices, if you don’t actually get the thing. You’re imposing yours on us, which has been the constant theme of whatever these asshats feel like imposing on us all while claiming it’s their freedoms.

But maybe worse is that ESPN will still let this creature that crawled out of the drain three decades ago with charts only he understood be on their coverage. Kiper didn’t play along, didn’t do what’s best for everyone, and his punishment is he doesn’t have to leave his house. I’m sure he’ll feel the sting on that one.

It’s what we referenced about Kyrie Irving yesterday. Eventually he was accommodated for trying to live by a credo he read on a bathroom wall somewhere. We can go down the list. Certainly ESPN isn’t the only organization or body that didn’t have the gumption to tell all their unvaccinated dopes to get one, it’s just another example. We don’t stand up to them, but they’ll certainly stand up to us, and take yet another inch or foot of all that’s decent and logical.

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Luckily, I don’t watch the draft anyway, so I won’t have to worry about how Kiper arranges his decor to match his demon’s accountant visage.

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