These Are The Worst Car Movies Ever Made

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My wife and I nominate DRIVE (2011)

I forget if it is 13 hours long, or if it just feels like it. But here’s a summary.

After an actually interesting “non-chase” where the Driver (Ryan Gosling) uses cleverness to blend in with a ton of traffic after a heist, Ryan Gosling decides to consider his poor life choices by driving around LA at night. He’s got a 2010 Malibu in Rental Silver to blend in, but somehow has a BBC with flowmasters under the hood (based on sound).

As he drives, he considers life while his car upshifts every 10 seconds while Ryan maintains a steady 35 mph and steady facial expression. After a 350 mile drive (all at night with no traffic), he decides to go shopping for an modified race car that also shifts 900 times in a single 1/4 lap. He decides to buy the car because he’s told that the tires have plenty of grooves left in them. Then he does another 350 mile night drive. Honestly I feel asleep somewhere along the way. I sort of remember him shooting up a strip club, but that might have been me dreaming of what it would take to break up a movie about a 30 hour drive.

(Somehow pulls in a 93% Rotten Tomato Rating. Maybe it has its points if you can stay away for 10 hour drives in abandoned LA streets.)