I Can’t Get Enough Of These Tsukuba Time Attack Videos

Gif: Attack Official Movie Channel on YouTube

The human condition is a wonderful thing. We just love to build things that weren’t meant for a purpose and shape them to our own purposes. This Mitsubishi Evo rolled off the assembly line just like every other Mitsubishi Evo, ready to take some thirty-something and their family around town somewhat quickly. So many compromises were engineered into the car by Mitsubishi, be they for cost, road legality, or marketability. It was theoretically possible to take it to a race track and have fun, but it certainly was never built to run a 50 second lap at one of the most famous tracks in Japan.


Fifty seconds. In a Mitsubishi sedan.

No, this car has been stripped down to its component parts and re-engineered from the ground up for the sole purpose of setting a single fast lap at a very short track. Tens of thousands of dollars and surely hundreds of hours of labor have been spent imbuing this family sedan with speed. With a heaping helping of downforce, something like 850 horsepower, massive 315 section width Hoosier racing slicks, and at least 600 pounds removed, this Evo has reached its ultimate form.

There is very little tangible reward to running a 50.4 second lap at Tsukuba. It’s a bit of a brag, it’s a bit of clout, you get a video put up on the official YouTube channel. Maybe you get a small cash prize or a little trophy, I don’t know, I don’t speak Japanese. We humans do shit like this all the time, and I love it. There is something beautiful about doing absurd things to chase happiness.

That’s what the whole Attack channel is all about. People of all kinds bringing their cars of all kinds out to run fast laps at a little track in Ibaraki Prefecture, Japan, just north east of Tokyo. I just can’t stop watching these videos. They’re simple. No narration, no fluff, just some statistics and a lap. Hear the engine roar, watch the downforce work, look at the grip. Magnificent.

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Here, watch another one. This is another fast one, but it’s a front-drive Honda Civic.

And for reference, here’s an 800-horsepwer McLaren Senna running a slower lap time than either the Evo or the Civic. Incredible.

There are hundreds of these videos on the channel, and if you aren’t already subscribed to it you absolutely need to. Every few months they upload a new batch of wonderful race cars going really fast. I’m going to spend the rest of the night watching these one-trick ponies zoom around this track half a world away and imagine just how wonderfully whole each of these amazing humans’ lives are in that moment. Zoom on, you beautiful weirdos.

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