Mets searching for that elusive GM who likes big market, big stage

Why so glum, Sandy?

Why so glum, Sandy?
Image: Getty Images

Mets team president Sandy Alderson offered up a Michael Scott-ism on Tuesday to explain why his team hasn’t been able to hire a general manager yet, saying their greatest strength — massive market — also is their greatest weakness.


“Admittedly there’s a reluctance to come to New York, but I think it’s mostly about New York,” Alderson said to reporters at the GM meetings. “And not about Steve (Cohen) or the organization or what have you. It’s a big stage and some people would prefer to be elsewhere.”

So let me get this straight, ESPN was lying?! There is no draw for big markets?! Anthony Davis was actually reluctant to go to LA?!

For full context, Alderson also said the team didn’t get permission to speak with a few candidates and others opted out for personal situations.

*Heavy sigh* Sandy, you’re overthinking it. You had perfectly reasonable outs for not hiring a GM; give the media those and walk away. Saying “It’s not about X” is akin to saying “Don’t think about pink elephants.”

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Now, the only explanations in our heads regarding this drawn-out GM search are it has to do with the owner, the organization, or the what have yous. So, since you nicely lined out what it’s not about, let’s fact-check those for the purpose of science (and definitely not facetiousness).

The owner

Cohen swaggered into baseball like an eager fantasy football manager who’s never done an auction draft: Ready to spend money and talk shit, without any real strategy. I do appreciate his approach of tweeting about the Mets like I text buddies about fantasy teams.


You leave yourself vulnerable to all kinds of criticism when you post something like: “It’s hard to understand how professional hitters can be this unproductive. The best teams have a more disciplined approach. The slugging and OPS numbers don’t lie.”

Cool. Please let your next GM know you prefer a disciplined approach while you’re live-tweeting the season like it’s an episode of Succession.


The organization

Alderson sounds like an addict in denial of a drug problem. “It’s not the crack; it’s people’s perception of crack.” “Look at how often the Jets shoot up. I’m not that bad.”


Do you remember the “This is your brain on drugs” campaign? If you were to do a CT scan on an average Mets fan, the parts of the brain (medulla oblongata?) responsible for anger/despair would take up the entire skull cavity, while you’d need a microscope to find the happiness/hope areas (frontal lobe?).

The Mets don’t have that cute hope usually reserved for Cubs fans. It’s more of a “Why god, WHYYYYY!!!!!!” sort of thinking. And, you know, sign me up for that.


The what have yous

I’m not sure what the what have yous are, but I’m going to assume he’s talking about the bad stuff like George Costanza’s girlfriend yada yada yada-ing over the part of the story where she skipped out on the tab for a massage and a facial.


So, Sandy, which of your mis-hires were you ‘what have you-ing’ over?

Was it acting GM Zack Scott getting fired for a DWI? Or how about GM Jared Porter who got fired for sending sexually explicit texts and images to a female reporter? Maybe he was referring to the hiring, then firing of now-banned-until-at-least-2022 manager Mickey Callaway (also #MeToo transgressions).


I didn’t even mention that Alderson’s son Bryn is an assistant general manager for the Mets. Although Sandy addressed that nepotism head-on, so we know the newcomer will have total autonomy regardless of their responsibilities being sandwiched between those of the dad and son.

But, no, you’re right, athletes don’t want to play in New York. Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving opted for Brooklyn over Madison Square Garden due to its quaint neighborhoods and lack of spotlight, and not the Knicks’ owner, organization or what have yous.

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