Why Ford Mustang Sales Should Stay Down In The United States

Sales of the Ford Mustang are down here in the United States of America. Good.


The official figure is that Mustang sales dropped a massive 32 percent last month, a dip so great that Ford is idling the car’s Flat Rock, Michigan factory, where Ford used to build Mazda 626s of all things.

Is this because the Mustang is two years old now and people aren’t as excited by it as they used to be? Is it because baby boomers are dying off? Is it because today’s singles would rather spend time on Tinder than cruising for chicks in something with a V8?


The reason is immaterial. The effect is what matters.

Too long have we Americans had to cower in fear at every stoplight or pull out. There was always a Mustang waiting at every intersection, moments away from powersliding into us.

Powersliding into curbs. Powersliding into drive-thrus. Powersliding into parked cars. Powersliding into divided highways. Powersliding in front of freeway traffic.


If Mustang sales were allowed to continue at their previous rampant pace, there would be no end to their destructive ways. Powersliding madness. Mustangs would be powersliding into every home, store, school across the country. Nowhere would be safe. We would have to construct special Mustang-proof buildings, if such a thing would even be possible.

Thankfully, the scourge of Mustangs in America may be coming to an end. Our long national nightmare may be over.

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